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What does Allen's line about the floatation device mean?

In "The other guys", Allen says: Anything you say or do can be used as a floatation device. What's funny about it?
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What does Allen's comment about “You've Got Mail” mean?

When Terry goes to Allen's home, they talk about the movie She's Got Mail (You've Got Mail) casting Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Allen said Tom Hanks have poison ivy up his ass. What's he talking about?