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In Mel Brook’s Dracula: Dead and Loving It, there are some lines spoken in Moldavian (Romanian) during the dialogue between Van Helsing and Count Dracula as they verbally spar during introductions to each other. These lines are never translated.

I assume there is some hidden joke if we were to know the translated words.

The scene occurs at 48 minutes into the film. Also, there is one final line of Moldavian spoken by Van Helsing in the final scene of the film after Dracula’s defeat.

What are they saying?

Mel Brooks as Van Helsing speaking in Moldavian

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I managed to find a Reddit transcript

Van Helsing; Count Dracula, hmm...curious are you descended from Vlad Tepesh? The first Dracula?

Dr. Seward; Tepesh?

Van Helsing; Ja, it means The Impaler. He was a bloodthirsty butcher, who inflicted unspeakable torture on the peasants. Cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes, and then impaling them on iron spikes!

Dracula; They had it coming.

Jonathan; gasp What could they possibly have done to deserve such barbaric and inhuman treatment?!

Dr. Seward; Yes..

Dracula; We have a saying in the old country: "Nostloy bleckla, den noi pushta."

Van Helsing; They also say: "Stanisha ploftoi, gag mul pafuft."

Dracula; I'm very impressed Van Helsing, you speak the ancient moldavian...

Van Helsing; Fale dadalic ta.

Dracula; Kaploi. Well gentleman, I will take my...

Van Helsing; Manush....

Dracula; Leave...I see Van Helsing that you are a man who likes to have the last word. I will not be drawn into such a childish exercise...paloshtoi.

Van Helsing; Hahaha, it is immature to me who has the last word... Polotnik!

Dracula; It is getting late, we will carry on this conversation at another time, Goodnight.

Van Helsing; Good night.

Dracula; Abalutza.

Van Helsing; Hmmff.., such arrogance... it is easy to see why the decadent aristocracy is dying out in that part of the world. Fushta! Gentlemen, our work is not done. The vampire is still among us. You must remember he is cunning. He has the wisdom of centuries. And above all, he will never give up...!

Dracula; Gerania!

Van Helsing; That man! He never gives up! ...Never gives up..

As for a translation...there is none...the words, from my reading, are completely made up. It's not about what they actually say but who gets the last word in which is a Running Gag right up to the end of the movie.

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  • Well, Google translate tells me that “den noi pushta” means “a new day”. So what do mean by “from my reading”? Are you fluent in Romanian? It’s seems there is a translation of sorts.
    – Detective Chimp
    Aug 22, 2018 at 12:46
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    My reading is based on comments found from various sources but if you can translate the rest you would have a great answer.
    – Paulie_D
    Aug 22, 2018 at 13:14
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The "Moldavian" is made-up gibberish. You can hear it here: Dracula: Dead and Loving it - Fushta!! [HD]

I speak Romanian as a second language. Romanian and Moldavian (aka Moldovan) are very closely related, and Moldavia (aka Moldova) has flip-flopped between calling their language Romanian and calling it Moldovan.

Anyway, Romanian and Moldavian are Latin-based languages, and they simply don't sound anything like the non-English dialog in this scene, which to my ears is more Russian-flavored than Romanian.

In addition, the historical figure they refer to is Vlad Țepeș, pronounced "Tsepesh", not "Tepesh".

So there's no hidden joke; the only joke is that they're making up gibberish and pretending it's Romanian.

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