9

In Season 4 Episode 9 (The Honeymooners) Archer says:

Archer: Since I started working at ISIS I've been shot, stabbed, set on fire, poisoned, shot, sexually assaulted, partially chewed, shot and declared legally dead - twice on the same day!

Lana: You said shot, like, 3 times.

Archer: That's just by you! Total it's more like... holy shit... 19!

This quite specific list made me wonder: Did all of this actually happen on-screen in previous episodes and is the number of times he got shot (3 times by Lana, 16 times by other people) correct?

14

Someone on Reddit actually has listed all of his on-screen injuries, including listing those that were only alluded to in the show rather than shown in the episodes. Here is a list of on-screen and implied injuries through Season 4 Episode 9, based on injury type:

Shot

S1 E2: Training Day
- Reference to an incident with Popeye. Implied to have been very painful, enough so to warrant investing in a bulletproof door. No direct injuries in this episode.
*Bulletproof door implies being shot.
S1 E6: Skorpio
- Shot in the foot by Lana Kane.
S1 E7: Skytanic
- Shot once in the foot by Lana Kane, same spot as previous episode.
S1 E8: The Rock
- Claims to have been shot, but not known where.
S1 E10: Dial M for Mother
- Shot 6 times “in the 10 ring” by Mallory Archer.
S3 E6: The Limited
- Shot in the right arm by Bilcoe, grazing injury.
S3 E 13: Space Race II
- Apparently shot off screen in the left arm.
S4 E6: Once Bitten
- Eighteen year old Sterling shot in the gut by a Femme Fatale.
S4 E8: Coyote Lovely
- Shot 2 times in the back. Bullets punctured lung, resulting in coughing up blood.

Stabbed

S1 E3: Diversity Hire
- Stabbed in the back (literally) by Conway Stern. Left lung filled with blood.
S1 E6: Skorpio
- Shot in the upper left torso with a spear gun.
S2 E1: Swiss Miss - Penis cut by shaving razor, 3 stitches, self-inflicted. Stitches tore two times before leaving Switzerland.
S2 E6: Tragical History
- Ninja star to the upper left chest by one of Selvin's companions. Later twisted by Selvin. Removed to no serious effect.

Punched/Hit

S1 E1: Mole Hunt
- Hit 4 times with a purse by Mallory Archer.
S1 E5: Honeypot
- High-speed jai alai ball to the face resulting in unconsciousness.
S1 E6: Skorpio
- Punched at least twice in the face by Lana Kane.
S2 E5: The Double Deuce
- Given a “Webly” by Bishop, knocked unconscious.
S2 E11: Jeu Monegasque
- Slapped once by Lana.
S3 E1: Heart of Archness Pt. 1
- Black eye and facial injuries from off screen ass-whupping by Riley.
S3: E3: Heart of Archness Pt. 3
- Cold-clocked in the face by Lana Kane, resulting in unconsciousness, then kicked in the ribs.
S3 E4: The Man from Jupiter
- Nasal impact with dashboard caused by Burt Renolds.
- Hit with a purse 4 times by Mallory to no apparent effect.
S3 E6: The Limited
- Punched in the face by Bilcoe, twice
S3 E7: Drift Problem
- Ridiculous amounts of punches and kicks to the everything.
S3 E8: Lo Scandalo
- Slapped 5 times by Lana.
S3 E10: Crossing Over
- Makes the grievous mistake of getting into a fight with Pam.
S4 E1: Fugue and Riffs
- Smacked in the back of the head with a frying pan by Lana.
S4 E8: Coyote Lovely
- Hit (not hard) on the left arm and chest about 10 times in total. No apparent injuries.

Torture

S1 E1: Mole Hunt
- Shocked in the foot by a golf kart battery.
S2 E12: White Nights
- Electrical torture in Lubyanka.

Vehicle Crashes

S1 E9: Job Offer
- Possible injuries from collision with a truck.
- Thrown out of a car from not wearing a seat belt, car crashed deliberately by Lana. Severe injuries and apparent dislocation of shoulder.
S2 E11: Jeu Monegasque
- Flung from a vehicle to no apparent injury.
S3 E 13: Space Race II
- Space shuttle crashed, no noticeable injuries to Archer.
S4 E4: Midnight Ron
- Ejected from trunk of a moving car, thrown clear about 100 linear feet.

Falls

S2 E3: Blood Test
- Falling ~30-50 feet (10-15 meters) into a ventilation shaft to no apparent injury.
S2 E12: White Nights
- Long-distance fall from top of guard tower.

Medical

S2 E3: Blood Test
- 1 liter of blood extracted for paternity test. Left groggy and showing signs of blood loss.
S2 E8: Stage 2
- Archer diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.
- Underwent unsuccessful surgery for breast cancer, which has advanced to stage 3.
S2 E9: Placebo Effect
- Intravenous tube inserted surgically.
- Experiences full effect of chemotherapy drugs.

Ear Damage

S1 E6: Skorpio
- Possible beginnings of tinnitus from proximity to grenade explosion.
S2 E7: Movie Star
- 6 gunshots next to the ear by Lana Kane, resulting in temporary deafness and definite beginnings of tinnitus.
S2 E9: Placebo Effect
- 2 perforated eardrums from grenade explosion.
S3 E2: Heart of Archness Pt. 2
- Temporally deafened by grenade blast. Twice.
S4 E3: Legs
- Point blank exposure to rocket propelled grenade explosion. Temporarily deafened, and suffered severe tinnitus. Later revealed to have several cuts and bruises throughout body. Self-inflicted.

Eye Damage

S1 E8: The Rock
- Blinded by flare gun while wearing night vision goggles.
S3 E6: The Limited
- Fighting on top of a train is like “being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun”.
- Retinas “seared like tuna steaks” from night vision goggles and oncoming train.
S3 EP11: Skin Game
- Light to the eyes while wearing night vision goggles. Again.

Other

S1 E10: Dial M for Mother
- Abducted and implanted with mind control microchip, drill used to enter skull.
S2 E2: A Going Concern
- Brain control microchip removed by Krieger a la “Drill baby drill”.
- Mental trauma from contact with aubergine vibrator.
S2 E7:Movie Star
- Injected with fugu fish tetradoxin, temporarily paralyzed.
S2 E12: White Nights
- “A broken glass factory” in Archer's feet.
S3 E5: El Contrador
- Fed a big bag of jungle dick by the Goddess of Nature, involving at least 2 leaches, and possible malaria. Numerous scrapes and bruises from said jungle.
- Suit slashed to shit by Babou. Numerous off-screen injuries resulted.
S3 E10: Crossing Over
- Steps on a recently shattered glass pitcher.
S4 E6: Once Bitten
- Bitten behind the one-eyed snake by a two-eyed snake.


At this point, he actually addresses the claims in Season 4 Episode 9:

E4 E9: The Honeymooners “Since joining ISIS, I've been shot, (big check),stabbed, (check) set on fire, (hmmmm, nope) poisoned, (Fugu Fish and alcohol) shot, (Check check check) sexually assaulted, (Yup, Countess von Fingerbang, and the Suntan Oil incident.) partially chewed, (maybe an exaggeration) and declared legally dead, twice, on the same day (I can think of several people who would have loved to see that). Claims to have been shot three times by Lana, but was only shot twice. “Shot 19 times”, only 13 gunshot injuries seen up to this point. (Lana – 2, Himself – 1, Odin – 1, Mallory- 6, Bilcoe – 1, Border Patrol – 2). 14 times if you count a spear gun.

So, it seems that, on screen at least, he has not been set on fire, the "chewed" part may be questionable and does not seem to have been declared dead on screen at all, let alone twice, though many of his injuries could have been life-threatening, including his bout with cancer.

As far as being shot goes, he was only shot by Lana twice, not three times. The guy who wrote this gets 14 gunshot wounds including the spear gun but I get more than that but, regardless, I don't get 19.

Considering how regularly he gets injured, I would guess that (since we meet Archer after he's already been an agent for a while), there's a good amount of body trauma that has occurred before the show begins or, potentially, between the content of the episodes.

His final count (through Season 5, episode 13) is:

In total, Sterling Archer has sustained, by my count:

  • Life-threatening injuries - 13
  • Non life-threatening injuries - 123
  • Gunshot wounds – 14, 16 if you count a spear gun and a bean shot. Old wound from when he was 18 counted, despite not occurring while employed at ISIS.
  • Stabbing injuries – 2, 3 if a spear gun is counted here. Ninja star included in stabbage.
  • Explosions - 5
  • Concussions - 4
  • Fainting/unconsciousness - 6
  • Poisonings - 1
  • Sexual assaults - 2
  • Blinded - 3

Note, I have not confirmed these but it seems to be a good list.

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  • In regards to "partially chewed", I seem to remember Archer being attacked by a dog at some point, but I'd need to look for the episode in which it happened. – Flater Oct 15 '19 at 9:09

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