Chief executive officer. (Founded the think tank Kramerica
Industries.)
Culinary entrepreneur. (Conceptualized a chain of make-your-own-pizza
parlors and a restaurant that only serves peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches called “P B and Js.”)
Inventor. (Conceived the idea for tie dispensers in restaurants to
replace patrons’ soiled ones.)
Movie actor. (Got one line in a Woody Allen movie.)
Sitcom actor. (Guest-starred on hit series Murphy Brown.)
Expert gambler. (Gainfully anticipated winning outcomes in basketball,
horse races, and flight arrival times.)
Perfumer. (Developed a beach-scented cologne.)
Portrait model. (Posed for a painting that sold for $5,000 to a couple
who described him as “an innocent orphan in the postmodern world.”)
Screenwriter. (Developed a movie treatment titled The Keys.)
Scalper. (Flipped an opera ticket for a $400 profit.)
Model. (Showcased in a Calvin Klein underwear ad campaign.)
Record Salesman. (Appropriated old vinyl LPs to sell to music shops.)
Tennis ball boy.
Small-business investor. (Provided funding to a local nonfat
frozen-yogurt shop.)
Soap-opera stand-in. (Worked on the set of All My Children.)
Clothing distributor (Sold “The Executive,” a beltless trenchcoat
invented by Jerry’s father in 1946, to Rudy's Antique Boutique.)
Author. (Wrote The Coffee Table Book of Coffee Tables featured on Live
With Regis and Kathie Lee.)
Beauty-pageant coach and chaperone. (Advised a Miss America contestant
on her interview, appearance, and talent.)
Vintage-clothing salesman. (Sold Kenny Bania the suit off his back for
$300.)
Department-store Santa Claus.
Police lineup stand-in.
Intimate apparel designer. (Co-inventor of “the Bro”/“Manssiere,” “a
support undergarment specifically designed for men.”)
Plaintiff. (Sued coffee company for burning him with their scalding
café latte.)
Sports memorabilia appropriator. (Sold George Steinbrenner’s birthday
card signed by the entire Yankee organization.)
Fireman.
Moviefone man impersonator. (Provides callers with movie time and
theater information when they mistakenly dial his number, 555-FILK.)
Cinéaste. (Collaborates on the reopening of a revival movie house
called the Alex.)
Hansom cab driver.
Plaintiff. (Sued Oh Henry! candy bar heiress Sue Ellen Mischke for
causing his car accident when she walked down the street wearing just
a bra.)
Bottle exporter. (Tried to recycle truckloads of bottles in Michigan,
where the refund rate per container is twice that of New York’s.)
Customer service tester. (Capitalized on a local bank’s policy
promising $100 to anyone not greeted by a teller with a “hello” —
though he ultimately only received $20.)
Author. (Wrote the book Astonishing Tales of the Sea, which chronicles
the Andrea Doria ship collision.)
Office worker. (“T.C.B.” as in “taking care of business,” for the
Brandt-Leland company.)
Photographer. (Snapped pictures for a variety of purposes from
Christmas cards to intimate shots.)
Party planner. (Organized a Jewish singles dance.)
Tour guide. (Provided housing and entertainment for Japanese
businessmen visiting Manhattan.)
Plaintiff. (Sued a tobacco company for ruining his good looks.)
Cock fighter.
Ghost writer. (Sells J. Peterman his life stories to use in Peterman’s
autobiography.)
Cigar manufacturer. (Hires Cubans to roll cigars; unfortunately they
turn out to be Dominican.)
Specialty sightseeing tour creator. (Conducts his three-hour “Peterman
Reality Tour" using a school bus.)
Lifeguard.
Industrial inventor. (Creates a rubber bladder system for oil tankers
in an effort to “put an end to maritime oil spills.”)
Condiment inventor. (Brainstorms bottle that integrates ketchup and
mustard.)
“Television” host. (Erected the old Merv Griffin Show set in his
apartment and rebooted it.)
Baker at H&H Bagels. (Briefly ends his strike.)
Army soldier. (“Classified.”)
Hollywood sellout. (Sells option to The Coffee Table Book of Coffee
Tables to a "big Hollywood so-and-so" and retires to Florida.)
Pretend patient. (Imitated wide range of diseased patients at a New
York teaching hospital.)
Rickshaw entrepreneur. (Managed staff of homeless drivers.)
