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There was a comedian (almost bald) and the stage I remember most was a tan/gold in front of a live audience. He did a skit where he was the coach and then put on a helmet and was a cross-eyed, dumb football player who was maybe hit one too many times. He made a fish face and then "ate" bubbles. The one I'm REALLY looking for is where he played a farmer who is kept awake by a bird. He catches the bird and the bird says "I don't want to die" in a cute voice. Then the farmer asks what the bird will do if he lets him go and the bird says "poo poo on your face." Does anyone remember this comedian's name or know if any of his stuff is on the Internet?

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You are thinking of Bob Nelson. YouTube has the fish skit you speak of here. He also does skit where the famous tag line is about football positions: Right Guard (after sniffing armpit), Tight End, Wide Receiver (both gay references). There are a number of others there, possibly you'll find the farmer.

You'll find the farmer and the duck routine here.

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did he do "The united way is the best candy bar you can buy?" I think I remember this routine from '83 or '84... – Ben Plont Sep 20 '13 at 6:26
@Ben - yes, just view the "adult" version of the football skit - Sponsored by the MFL (oops, NFL). – wbogacz Sep 20 '13 at 14:51

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