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In the 1980 movie Airplane, there are two memorable scenes in which two guys (and in the later scene, an older woman) speak "Jive" to each other. The transcripts of the scenes in question are below, from IMDB;

scene one

First Jive Dude: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?

Second Jive Dude: Hey home', I can dig it. Know ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man!

First Jive Dude: I say hey, sky... subba say I wan' see...

Second Jive Dude: Uh-huh.

First Jive Dude: ...pray to J I did the same-ol', same-ol'!

Second Jive Dude: Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!

First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak 'em...

First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: ...leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!

First Jive Dude: COL' got to be! Y'know? Shiiiiit.

scene two

Randy: Can I get you something?

Second Jive Dude: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!

Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.

First Jive Dude: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!

Jive Lady: Oh, stewardess! I speak jive.

Randy: Oh, good.

Jive Lady: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.

Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?

Jive Lady: [to the Second Jive Dude] Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da rebound on da med side.

Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!

Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!

First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!

Jive Lady: Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.

Does anybody here speak Jive? What is actually being said during these scenes?

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+1 great question! IMHO this is one of the best comedy scenes of all time. "Oh, stewardess? I speak jive." LMAO! –  Shiz Z. May 2 '13 at 18:45
    
One can watch video clips of the two scenes with subtitles here and here. –  Oliver_C May 2 '13 at 19:58
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1 Answer

up vote 11 down vote accepted

It is important to note a few things. Airplane! is a satirical comedy, and the writers were making a joke about language. Jive shares traits with African American Vernacular English (AAVE), but it is not the same. The writers and actors have said that Jive was fabricated, which can be seen in the video here. All of what the Jivemen said was a fabrication of the writers and actors, so trying to translate it without the help of the them will be impossible.


Fortunately, they included subtitles for the first scene, which can be found in the full script (subtitles emphasized by me):

Jiveman1: Sheeeet, man, that honkey mus' be messin' my old lady got to be runnin' col' upsihd down his head!
Subtitle: GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE OR I WILL PUNCH HIM.
Jiveman2: Hey Holm, I can dig it! You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap upon you man!
Subtitle: YES, HE IS WRONG FOR DOING THAT.
Jiveman1: I say hey sky, s'other say I won say I pray to J I get the same ol' same ol.
Subtitle: I KNEW A MAN IN A SIMILAR PREDICAMENT, AND HE ENDED UP BEING SORRY.
Jiveman2: Knock yourself a pro slick. Gray matter back got perform' us' down I take TCBin, man'.
Subtitle: DON'T BE NAIVE ARTHUR. EACH OF US FACES A CLEAR MORAL CHOICE.
Jiveman1: You know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em.
Subtitle: EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE, MAKES A MAN HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND WISE.
Together: Col' got to be! Yo!
Subtitle: HOW TRUE!
Together: Sheeeeeeet!
Subtitle: GOLLY.


When it comes to the second scene you've transposed, the joke is that the older white woman can translate Jive for the stewardess. It doesn't need subtitles for the first part because that would ruin the joke. As Shane Finneran pointed out, there were subtitles for the later part of that interaction:

Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Subtitle: Ma'am, I'm not stupid. I understand what she just said.
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!
Subtitle: Give me a break! If you don't want help, I won't help you!
First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Subtitle: Damn, she implied that he didn't understand!
Jive Lady: Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.
Subtitle: Nevermind. He's stupid, anyway.

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4  
Note that there is a deeper and slightly mire subtle joke as well: the "older white woman" isn't just anybody, but the Barbara Billingsley, who played the archetype of the sitcom mother on the classic 1957-1963 series "Leave it to Beaver." –  James McLeod May 2 '13 at 16:10
2  
Why not include the subtitles for the last few lines? Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap! [Ma'am, I'm not stupid. I understand what she just said.] Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help! [Give me a break! If you don't want help, I won't help you!] First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up! [Damn, she implied that he didn't understand!] Jive Lady: Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit. [Nevermind. He's stupid, anyway.] –  Shiz Z. May 2 '13 at 18:47
1  
@ShaneFinneran Because for some reason the script I found didn't have the subtitles in it for that section. I'll add them. –  SocioMatt May 2 '13 at 19:13
    
There are no official subtitles for the last few lines. The whole scene has no subtitles, just Barbara Billingsley's on-screen translation. But I do like Shane's version. –  James McLeod May 4 '13 at 0:56
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